Everything that I know about life and parenthood has come crashing down around my ears….
Oh yes. Super Jumbo Chocolate Cheerios. It would not be so dire if it were some kind of budget-style dessert that we kept stashed away in the garage. But this…is our one and only breakfast cereal in the house.
I feel ill.
To me, the only possible excuse for having chocolate in one’s breakfast is in running late and picking up a chocolate croissant from a coffee shop. But actually possessing food resembling candy which is intended for breakfast consumption is an affront to the proper order of human life as we know it. It is training children that proper nutrition, and by extension the moral authority of their parents, is a thinly-veiled mockery not worthy of consistent upkeep.
Children’s breakfast is the one area of life in which I am hysterically unreasonable.
But I am right, I tell you! Even as a kid I felt a kind of horrible fascinated pity for the children who had Fruit Loops or Count Chocola in their house. It wasn’t so much that these things were unhealthy (although that was a large part of it). It was more the spirit of the thing. That anything even superficially resembling Life Savers or balls of chocolate should be substituted for the sober rite of breaking fast seemed like a wild and Bacchanalian rejection of “what is good for us.” So even though these Cheerios aren’t actually that unhealthy compared to Honey Nut Cheerios or even Vanilla/Almond Special K…my violent opposition remains the same. It looks like candy. It tastes like candy. It must not be allowed!
However, I’m pretty sure it would be equally unhealthy to be so very attached to my ideas about breakfast cereal that I would try and pull a veto on my dear husband over…well…breakfast cereal. And so, with a “Sigh…If you must,” my kitchen has now become a place of visceral horror to me.
But I’m sure we will all live. At least it’s not Fruit Loops!
EDIT: Is it “eating crow” when you have to admit you were completely wrong? Turns out that Cheerios are Cheerios, no matter what they call them or what colour they are. I had a bowl and they are basically no different (according to my excellent interior Wholesome-O-Meter) than putting a teaspoon or two or sugar in Rice Krispies (which is what kids do anyway). They actually taste like food! Who knew?